Ordinary Stuff

Ordinary Stuff
Carolyn Cutler Osborne

I first met Juanita when I was 23 years old and had started working for Choices here in Columbus. Every month we had a meeting of the contract workers and each time it was at a different person's house. One time we had it at Juanita's apartment on Agler Road.

There are two things I remember from that meeting. One is that she made the most delicious rolls. They were melt in your mouth delicious--truly amazing. What is in these rolls, we asked. Just ordinary stuff, she replied. Later she wrote out the recipe for us and indeed, it was just ordinary stuff. Only it took three days to make these things.

The second thing I remember is that she presented what was originally called her "theory." Even more than the rolls, this way of understanding the dynamics of human relationships impressed me. In the days following that meeting, I asked her to teach me what she knew and told her I would be willing to type for her. I was a decent typist and I figured that was something maybe she could use.

In the 24 years since that meeting, she indeed taught me. I learned about authority and power. I learned about blamelessness. I learned about authority-power relationships. I grew and then grew some more.

Juanita taught me to look beyond the visible to understand what people were really about. She was aware of how looks can deceive--that people can look like grownups and be two year old brats. She helped me to learn how dangerous people can be--and then she helped me to learn how to interact with people such that they would not inflict their danger on me. I have had two potential stalkers in my life. The only reason they remained potential stalkers, not actual stalkers, is because Juanita gave me effective ways of keeping them away.

Juanita was a loving person but she also taught me that "nice will get you killed." There are times when the rules of politeness and our instincts in that direction will actually put us in danger. When the truth is required, the white lies of politeness are dangerous.

Juanita taught me that no matter what position a person occupies, with personal authority--by being adult--a person in the lowest position can have a great influence. She lived this. She never occupied positions of authority, but we are all here because of her influence. She always hated people using the word "power" when they were really talking about authority. Power this and power that, she would always say. The reason she hated this is because when you have power you also have powerlessness. She taught me that we all have power. We don't all have authority--but we can all gain the only authority that really makes a difference--personal authority, the ability to control oneself.

Juanita always said, "the example you set is your authority to speak. No example, no authority." She set the example of a person who knew she had an inner kid and who knew what that kid was about. She didn't try to deny this fact--she set the example of coping with one's own selfish desires in the face of the need to consider other people and their needs, in the face of considering what God wants us to do.

Juanita could be tough. She probably has told some of you about the day my brat jumped out for the first time in her presence. It was at New Beginnings. The night before, I had learned that one of my staff people was possibly stealing money. When I got home that night, I called Juanita at 11:30 p.m. She made herself available to talk with me and then she came to work with me the next day to help me. She told me I needed to talk with that staff person so we got to the shelter before 8 a.m. so I could talk with the person before her shift was over. That was a huge sacrifice--she was definitely not a morning person.

After I had a kind of shaky talk with my staff person, she told me the next step I was to take. I had to tell all of this to my boss. I balked. How could I do this? My boss would fire me. I was really angry and I don't even remember how she convinced me. Maybe the better part of myself knew she was right and eventually prevailed after I threw my fit.

I went and told my boss who said that she wished I hadn't told the employee about the allegation--but later I came to know how right Juanita had been in the whole sequence of events. I was not allowed to talk about the situation, but that staff person could say what she wanted and she used that right freely, to try to turn my staff against me. I also knew how the agency was dealing with the issue--they gave the employee more chances and watched her. She continued to steal--and I was so relieved I had told her what the allegations had been so I knew she had made bad choices and I had done everything I could to help her. Years later, another staff person who had been there told me that she knew that there had to be evidence against this person because she knew I would never fire someone with no cause. I would not have been in the position to be able to weather the employee's characterization of my actions or to have the pleasure of having my integrity recognized had I not done as Juanita suggested.

I think a lot of the time the gift Juanita had was basically a painful experience for her. I think of her when I read Ecclesiastes, chapter one, where Solomon says:

[12] I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem.[13] And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith.[14] I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.[15] That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered.[16] I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me in Jerusalem: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.[17] And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit.[18] For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

Juanita spent a lifetime getting knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. These, she said, came from the three teachers: Instruction yields knowledge, and that does not cost anyone anything. Example--watching something happen to someone else--yields wisdom and that does not cost the learner anything but it cost someone else something. Experience yields understanding--and that is the kind of learning that costs the learner. Juanita was a keen observer and she gained a lot of wisdom this way, but her real understanding of people came from some very painful experiences in her own life.

She always sought to help others avoid the pain she went through and she was a great teacher. Many of us can say that she saved our lives. But the cost of this understanding she had was that she often saw things in situations that we ourselves did not see and she suffered when we did not pay attention to her and went through pain that could have been prevented. She always saw well beyond what we could see and at the same time, our suffering was her suffering.

That's why I'm sad for myself and the people here in our loss, but I am not sad for Juanita. In Revelation 21:4, describing heaven, the Bible says: "there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." Juanita's work here among us was well-done and now she can get the rest and freedom from pain that she deserves.

So, in a sense, this event is more than a celebration of Juanita's life. It is also a graduation ceremony for many of us who depended on Juanita for wisdom and advice. We are more or less on our own now, trying to imagine what she might say to us about the difficult places in our lives.
What did I learn from Juanita? Mostly that ordinary stuff becomes extraordinary if you work with it long and hard enough. I also learned that not everyone can see the extraordinary if it is hiding behind what appears to be ordinary. Yet, Juanita also said, "insides speak to insides"--we can discern the extraordinary if we look, as she did, with our hearts.